The Universal Question
by Kyla of the Desert
Summary: It wasn't like Edward could ask his father, and he wasn't exactly trying to talk about that with his mother, either, and it was too late then, anyway… so, Edward finally asked Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist, the big question. That one, universal question.


_You know you've asked it, so don't give me that, "Pfft, that's so stupid! You don't know?" Yeah, I'm an alchemist. Yeah, I'm fifteen. Is there really a problem? What's the big deal? It's not like I sat down, sneaking into Mustang-Worthy buildings at three in the morning, trying to learn. _

_ So I don't know where—_

"And stop laughing, Al! This isn't funny!"

"Brother… I-I… I don't…"

"You don't know either, do you?"

The armour was silent. Edward looked up from his incident report, amber eyes already set in a glare, searching for the red light he would find shining from the helmet of shiny, polished armour. Armour that he polished. Maybe, if he just transmuted a little mud…

"Well, Brother, it's just… we all have to find out someday, right?"

"You know."

"Let's just say… I found out sooner than later…"

The pen snapped under the pressure of an automail grip. "Brother! I told you not to use your right hand to write. It's dang—"

"You… you _know…_" The blonde stood up, amber eyes shining with malice. "You—you who is a suit of armour—know."

"Brother, I-"

"HOW?!" Suddenly, the human brother jumped up, angered. "Did that dirty Colonel tell you?"

"Brother, no-"

"Did Hawkeye? I know Hawkeye didn't tell you… though, she might have… I wouldn't put it beyond her if she…" Al knew now that his brother was lost to the world of pondering, glad that, for now, he was safe. No way would he admit where he'd heard the secret that Ed so desperately longed for.

~Earlier that day~

"Fullmetal! Is there any reason one of my men caught you shirking off work in the _library?_" A pair of amber eyes drifted up to meet obsidian ones, unfazed by the unprecedented anger showing clearly on their surfaces.

"Colonel," The blonde said, his voice borderline desperate. "I need to ask you a question." The commanding officer held back all smart, smooth, or otherwise offensive comments, truly concerned for his subordinate.

"Ask away, Fullmetal."

"Well… it's… I don't know… everyone's been looking at me and laughing whenever I ask-" behind Mustang, behind the bookshelf behind Mustang, a quiet, girly snicker could be heard, "and I'm not getting any logical answers! Stuff like, 'All that research as an alchemist, and you still don't know?' and crap like, 'I thought you were a genius, Edward! Ha ha ha ha!' Help me!"

The blatant cry for help had Mustang smirking down at the blonde teen, imaging his most unruly subordinate down on his knees, begging for help. It was such an amazing thought!

"Yes, Fullmetal, of course I'll help you!"

"Good!" Edward stood up, abruptly, grabbing his superior officer's arm. "We have to go to your office. Everyone in here has problems."

"Is it a personal problem, Fullmetal?" Mustang asked against his better judgment, watching the golden head in front of him carefully.

"I guess you could say that. I mean, it's strange… I think it's a perfectly fine question to ask, but everyone I ask flips out for no reason! It's not like I'm asking about dirty stuff or anything!"

Mustang narrowed his eyes in thought. Based on knowledge gained from observing the wild Edward Elric in captivity, Elrics were oblivious creatures who could see things no one else could, but could not make sense of the most simple of human emotions. Possibly, this particular Elric was triggering some kind of inside joke amongst the officers.

As Edward threw open the door of the library, a peel of laughter sparked Mustang's interest. The chuckling throughout the whole library branched into full out, fall on the ground hilarity, making the dark haired man wonder what exactly his subordinate had asked.

"So," Edward was carrying on nervously, "I've always thought it was a product of transmutation, you know, but then, thinking about it, it can't possibly work. Human transmutation doesn't work, so maybe it's just failed human transmutation that ends up right in the end?"

"Edward, you're going to have to tell me what you're going on about." Human transmutation gone _right_? What in Ishval's name was he talking about?

"But…" the blonde turned around suddenly, facing Mustang. "If I tell you…"

"If you tell me…"

"You're going to die of laughter like everyone else did! I don't get what's so hilarious about it, but…"

The dark haired man threw the door to his office open, startling his subordinates who, like Fullmetal, were shirking off work. Sighing deeply and ignoring their terrified, deer-in-the-headlight stares, and strode into his inner office, Fullmetal Alchemist in tow.

He turned immediately upon closing the soundproof, see-through door, not at all concerned that his subordinates were watching his every move. He slammed his gloved hands down on the desk, red transmutation circles visible.

"What is it, Fullmetal?!" _The suspense is _killing _me!_ His thoughts _were_ threatening to spill from his mind, but he held them back.

"I can't tell you!" Edward cried, turning towards the door abruptly. The Lieutenant, Hawkeye, was making her way towards the door, a confused look on her stony face. She beat Edward to the door, stepping inside and making a point to close it behind her.

"What's the problem, here?"

"I… I…." This was uncharacteristic indeed, considering how badly Edward was hesitating. Both the Lieutenant and the Colonel were staring at him intently, waiting patiently—impatiently—for him to speak.

"I need to know… where do children come from?"

~X~

_So, I mean, it was such a simple question, you know? It's not like I _meant _to offend anyone, but I didn't think that Mustang would accidentally set his office on fire! I didn't even know it was possible to laugh that hard. And Lieutenant Hawkeye _did not _have to flip out and shoot a hole in the roof! _

Edward looked at the next question on the paper, grimacing. "What have you learned from this experience?"

_Well… I learned not to say anything possibly funny—though I still don't know why it is—to Mustang, and that there must not be anything else for the military to do if they have time to die of laughter. I guess I learned not to sneak into the library and ask for _anything_, and that my brother, my own brother, loves to keep important secrets from me. _

_ But I didn't learn what I wanted to know! Where in the world do children come from?!_

~X~

_Okay… so, a one-shot written on the prompt "Children". Cliché, I know, but hey, I had to stay on the prompt! This is also the first fic I've written for Fullmetal Alchemist, although it's just a little one-shot of nonsense. Oh, well… tell me what you think!_


End file.
